Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
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