The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Randomize
