"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
