I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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