suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
