im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
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We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
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Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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