I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
