a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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