Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
