I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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