Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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