shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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