dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
