I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
