Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
