I want to walk on stilts...naked
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
