somebody snuck up and got me drunk
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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