I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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