will power is for people who don't want to get laid
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
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I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
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I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
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