Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
