Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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