im about as happy as oj after his trial
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Randomize
