Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Randomize
