i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
