I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
