when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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