Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
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