sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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