Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
