Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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