My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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