take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
