Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
