If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
