mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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