i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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