Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
