sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
The uberlube is also flammable
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
