I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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