he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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