you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
