Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
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