"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Randomize
