Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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