Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
im so drunk with asians
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers