She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
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The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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