Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Randomize
