At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize