a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
