Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
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i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
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