woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
