I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
