just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
