I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
