this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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