My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
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