Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Panties = found
Randomize
