try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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