I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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