At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
