Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
