nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
