I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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