We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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