I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
