If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
then he tried to convert me to islam
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
