Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Randomize
